Re-Entry Reflections

It's 5:30 pm on Tuesday, May 8th. I've been back in the states for 26 hours now, and I'm still trying to acclimate to the paved highways around here. I just returned from my first solo outing--to get that long-awaited pedicure to fix my African feet. Was it ever heaven, too! I had my Ipod singing sweet songs in my ears, the massage chair going great on my back, and the folks at Balogue Salon working vigorously on my hands and feet. It's not often that I invest in such vain pleasantries, but this was a necessary treat that I've been craving for a couple of months. Man, I hated to leave that chair. The things we take for granted in this country!
As I sat in that massage chair, my mind wandered dreamily, attempting to sort out my feelings about coming back. I thought of my daughter Julie's phrase--"Happy-Sad". That's how I feel. I'm excited about reuniting with my sister and her family and surprising my parents tonight at Flemmings steakhouse, where we will joyfully celebrate my cool nephew Paul's 16th birthday. I can't wait. Oh, and look at the time! I best be going asap. I'll return later with more thoughts...

So now I'm back at the apartment at 10 pm, the celebration a success, and Paul an awesome nephew whom I cherish like a son. I was the first one to arrive at Flemmings. About 15 minutes after my arrival, my mom entered the dark private room where I was seated, pushing her walker, but she didn't recognize me at first. Then I started talking to her and hugged her, and she started crying once she figured out who I was. She had been so worried since she heard about the Kenya Air crash which killed all 115 people on board the night before my departure. She was afraid that would happen to my plane, so she was sobbing from relief at my safe, and early, arrival. Yes, I loved being back with my crazy fam. The food was superb and the stories delightful. Mostly baseball and baby stories. Sparky, my brother-in-law said his respect for me went way up because of my trip. Hmmm....I had never known how low it was before, tee hee. But I didn't go to earn his or anyone else's respect. I must say that it was God who gave me a calling, and an opportunity, and I took Him up on it. Now I'm hooked. I want to go back. There are so many reasons why.

The primary reason is that my priorities and dreams have been transformed over the last year. My trivial pursuits are wasting away. Life is more purposeful and meaningful, even urgent. I feel sad for all of us spoiled Americans. We don't grasp how priviledged and blessed we are until we spend time in the third world, learning about life and love and poverty. We are no better than the people I've met in Kenya. We have just been fortunate to have opportunities they haven't had. (More on this later...) We take so much for granted, and the rat race here has us all on a quest for more. How much is enough? What is the point of our existence? I love the line in the movie "Blood Diamond", spoken by the lovely American journalist/war correspondent Maddie. I think she captured the disturbing and inconvient truth when she told Leonardo Dicaprio, who was teasing her about her "making a difference" mentality, that "It's kinda hard to go back to sipping lattes and discussing interest rates" after you have experienced the kind of reality that most of the world knows. I'm having the same internal struggle.

This trip has been the second biggest adventure of my life, second only to mothering my three precious daughters. I thank God for such amazing blessings. I've reinvented myself so many times during my 35 year career history. Life has been a series of grand adventures. But now, I think I know what I'm supposed to do with the rest of it, whatever remains. I'm supposed to live and love fully. I am to serve others in all aspects of life. My dreams of buying my own house and a new car just melted away. I prefer less responsibility and attachment to possesions so that I can pick up and leave on demand. My camera and video camera died, and my car is constantly threatening to die as well, but Hakuna Matata. (They really do say that!)

The value of and gratitude for my loving family is intensely reaffirmed. My desire is to follow orders, which I know will lead to the next adventure. I pray that reuniting with the kids in Kenya is in my future. I want to find out: how David likes preschool when he starts in August, whether Kevin actually does become president of Kenya some day, when big Moses gets to fly up to the Big Boy cottage, when and how Margaret makes it to medical school, when Susan begins to speak and Amos begins to read, and what becomes of Andrew the comedian and little Moses, the one in time-out so often. I almost wish I could be a fly on the wall to see which kids are getting their love and affection needs met, and which ones I could supplement. I kind of think I know, and thus I know what to pray for at Rafiki Kenya. These photos are some of the faces I will never forget. Most were taken by Anna, or of her. She is the brunette beauty in the series of three shots with her and the teens, her and the toddlers, and her and some of the mamas. You can see how kids of all ages just soak up and thrive on the love that is offered freely by the missionaries. Julie, the blonde beauty in the turquoise sweater, has committed years of her life to this vision, and she is only 34. The very first two photos were taken of Anna, Laney, and Ellie loving on the babies at New Life Homes, the orphanage from whence came our last four children. This was before I arrived, and I regret never being able to visit there. However, YL said, "You need to save some things for your next trip. That way you'll come back."

I do hope to serve in Tanzania Rafiki some day, as a real missionary. They say the required commitment is only two years now, down from 6 previously. Who knows? I want to visit Maasai Mara, Nigeria, Ghana, South Africa, Rwanda, and Botswana, Mt. Kilamanjaro, and the coast of Tanzania, so far. You can bet I'll be reading all things African and buying African goods from now on. Can't wait to get on Amazon.com and order some music. Did you know that you can preview 30 seconds of every song on a CD before you order online? How cool is that?

Africa needs our help. Who will answer the call?