It is interesting trying to adjust back to our culture. I had happily left the frenetic pace behind for three months. Now I find myself fending it off again, seeking solitude. I have missed my Downtime so much, both there, and here, since I've been back. I have missed just puttering around the apartment cleaning out closets, and walking during sunset at my own pace, on my favorite hills, while listening to P&W music and chatting with God. Today, I just quietly cancelled all my plans and commitments, as the time for each one approached. I discovered that inertia was ruling my mind and body. Although I felt somewhat guilty, I just took the path of least resistance and stayed here. I feel good about what I accomplished, like making piles of stuff I need to give away, and cleaning off my bed, and generally sorting and organizing. I finally took the time to create my first audio/visual Rafiki CD. The first one is 7 minutes long, and covers two African songs from Mwangaza cd, with primarily photos of our toddlers during enrichment each morning. The second one is about the preschool, primary, and JSS kids, although it's not complete yet. It will end with kids in the cottages at night, when we do our evening enrichment and devotionals. These two cover our work. The third will be our play, mostly Amboseli safai and the beach at Mombasa. My baby Carla taught me how to create these using photostory3 software. It's a learning process. Maybe I'll finish tomorrow, on Sunday afternoon. That way i will have visuals to accompany my story, should anyone ask to hear about it. So far, just my Northwest Community Group and Charlene from VBS have made a request. Oh, and Daniel Grell, my missions pastor.
It was very peaceful here today, with no human contact whatsoever. I thought about being lonely, but I wasn't. I have so much to do in order to simply and organize my new life. And it is new, as I know that I have changed. The changes are subtle, or inapparent, to the casual observer. The first week back, I jumped into every opportunity to see my friends and fam again. I was chasing the job, too. There were all sorts of family obligations, because it's May, our family's crazy month. I was energized about coming home, enough to attend so many events these past two weeks. I threw myself in there, a bit freaked about having to see everyone again for the first time, and answer questions that I am not ready to answer. But I did it anyway.
And now I need to retreat, and just say "no" sometimes. I cannot, will not, get sucked back to that obsessive lifestyle of chasing money and activities, just to avoid slowing down and feeling. It's ok to feel now--to feel whatever, good or bad. Now I know where to go with those feelings, and how to handle them.
I have posted some photos of Wageni House where I lived, with 16 other MiniMissionaries over the course of my 3-month stay. It felt like a five-star hotel when I arrived, especially compared to the two other mission trips that I was considering, both to Sudan. On one, I would have lived in a thatch hut. On the other, in a small tent. There is always next time...
